To Wildcat Cable: If I’m going to pay $40 a month for “cable,” you should actually provide cable, not satellite that messes up whenever there’s wind.

Card counting: It’s not cheating; it’s math.

Hey, “Extreme Makeover,” come finish our parking garage.

I have the hottest AZD mom.

Look, either put a light on your house number or don’t order delivered food.

My roommate pooped on a girl at a party this weekend.

So, here’s the game plan. Two minutes left in the first half of the Iowa State game, we’re gonna watch Ronald do the Ron Stomp.

I didn’t lose my train of thought today, I lost the whole station.

Dear Megan, I’m the one who ate the cheese wheel. I’m really sorry and I hope you can forgive me.

I’m in the marching band, and I covered more yards than Josh Freeman did at the game on Saturday.

I just saw all of the spoons and forks bowing to their god by King Hall.

I broke up with my girlfriend because she smelled like mothballs. Is that bad?

What’s with the Scripture on the sidewalks? If I wanted to read the Bible, I’d go to MCC.

Palin and a moose just don’t seem to fit together, unless we’re talking bestiality.

If you can’t see an ad for condoms in the paper without flipping out, maybe you should go back to high school.

Correction: It’s baby prostitute.

Is everyone at the Collegian high or something?

Is there such a thing as an eskimanho? Because I think I just saw one.

Does Santa get gifts on Christmas?

Why don’t you want to be friends with me? Don’t you know? I’m awesome.

I hear you’re in open option. You can open my options whenever you want.

Do they drink Coors in the corps?

If the Collegian reviews video games using demos, do they review movies using trailers?

To Patrick from Michigan: This is the girl that was bad at volleyball that you hit it off with. I wasn’t single then, but I am now.

Once upon a time, Stacy’s mom has got it going on, and that’s the rest of the story.

Thank you, Jessica Ulrich, for your article in the paper and for the letters to the editor. Finally, some truth.

If you or your family were receiving hundreds of death threats, would you send your children to public school? I think not.

Please help me, Fourum. Shut up the stupid sorority girls. My IQ is at stake.

The last of me is a victim of crime.